Wal-Mart

It all started with a flush of the toilet. What doesn’t really? The other day I flushed the toilet and the floating device that stops the water at a certain point broke off. Well crap. Time to go get a new toilet kit to fix it. Now, where would one go to get something of this nature? The obvious choices are your local hardware stores like Lowe’s and Home Depot. But it was late at night after the aforementioned locations where closed. That left me with only one option… Wal-Mart.

I have a love/hate relationship with Wal-Mart. I love the fact that is a one-stop-shop type place where I can get everything I need. As a guy, I do hate to shop. I like to get what I need and get out. Wal-Mart offers this. Groceries, clothes (before you laugh, Wal-Mart is the BEST place to get underwear, undershirts and socks), electronics, and whatever else you need on a day-to-day basis. Some people are too good for Wal-Mart. Target is where those people go. But I guess I’m a simple country boy that grew up on trips to Wal-Mart. That’s just where you go when you need stuff.

However, at times a trip to Wal-Mart can be extremely frustrating.

In this particular trip, all I wanted was a part for my toilet. So, as I enter the store I look upward to the signage to get an idea of where said part might be. I see “Bathroom” in giant white lettering. Bingo. I head to the “Bathroom” section only to find items like: bath towels, toothbrush holders, toilet paper holders, etc. No toilet parts. Crap. Well my mind is churning at this point, trying to decipher the next place to look. Hmm… maybe hardware? I head over to the hardware section. Paint, paintbrushes, nuts, bolts, screws… crap. No toilet parts to be found. This frantic search goes on for about 20 minutes. Heaven forbid the great people at Wal-Mart could actually have some EMPLOYEES in any of these sections that could point me in the right direction!

At this point my frustration is turning into anger. Why can’t I find this stupid toilet part?!? Why is there no employee to help me? Why can’t we all just dig a hole in the back yard and go out there like in the old days? I press on.

I walk to the back of the store past the Electronics section. I’m taking a peak down each aisle as I pass. Nothing. I come up to the Auto-Care section. No way there will be toilet parts here… I peak down the aisle anyway. A toilet seat!!!! I’ve found it!! There at the end of the aisle I see that beautiful porcelain throne hanging there. I dash down the aisle towards it. They have white seats, wood grain seats, and black seats. My eyes frantically scan the areas next to the seats… no toilet parts!!! WHAT?!?!? I’m enraged at this point. I actually audibly yelled “COME ON WALMART!!!” A young family looking at the auto parts looked over. Oh no. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t find what I’m looking for.” “Us either!” replied the father.

After double and triple checking the aisle for toilet parts, I finally gave up. I turned the corner to go down the next aisle, which was full of paint cans and supplies. As I’m walking down the aisle I catch a glimpse of silver out of the corner of my eye. It’s a toilet flush knob!! I’ve found it! All the toilet parts a man could need. Right there… in the paint section.. I hate you Wal-Mart.